My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
