my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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