You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
