WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
and you fell through a lawn chair
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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