Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
