I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
