I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
