If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
