when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
