I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
