I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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