Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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