Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
