Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
