I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
