you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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