i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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