nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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