drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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