There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
