so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
