is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
