I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
is wine microwaveable?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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