that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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