just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
