Banned from zoo.
Again?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
