there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
