My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
