I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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