"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
