How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
