they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
