I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
