i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
it's like iHOP with fire
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
