while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
