Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
That was an excessively violent trivia night
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
