I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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