My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
