i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
