Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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