She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
