a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
