Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
