Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I love having hate sex.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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