drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
