Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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