Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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