Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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