That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
