Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
