She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
