Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
